I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize