i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
