if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
