i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
