The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
