He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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