I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
