he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
