we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
