this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
