He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
