New invention idea: vibrating tampons
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So much rum. So many feels.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
