people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
