her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
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When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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