I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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