Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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