he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
