I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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