hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
