in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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