You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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