i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize