but the lizard people decide everything anyway
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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