Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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