Say something about gay babies.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
