hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
