Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
