I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
