I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
