I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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