she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I supernannyed him into submission
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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