i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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