I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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