Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
