We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
