I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
