So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
