I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
