these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
