Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
