great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
