remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
