She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
