Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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