Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
