i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
