You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
