I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
