I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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