Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
