i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
