This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
