Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
