The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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