areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
