How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
