yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
