Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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