If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
