I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dicks are not precious.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
