My pussy is not your playground.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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