I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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