I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
